Men and women cheat for many different reasons and as private investigators, we often get called to catch cheaters in the act. In this article, we aren’t here to judge, condemn or even promote cheating. This article is going to show the most common excuses for cheating that we have heard in our experience.
Common excuses cheaters use.
Here are the most common excuses for cheating we have heard in our many years of experience.
Excuses for cheating reason #1 – I just can’t help it.
People with higher sex drives than their partners will use the excuse that they simply just can’t help it as their sex drive is too high and if sex life at home has stopped then they feel this is justifiable to them.
People also argue that from an evolution point of view that men are “programmed” to sleep with as many women as possible to procreate so this is often factored into an argument.
This may have been the case when the cavemen and women were around, but in modern society, it doesn’t work and it’s just an excuse.
If you do feel yourself feeling that your sex drive is too high and your partner’s sex drive is too low then you should communicate this with them. Sex drive can be affected by:
- Birth Control
- Chronic Conditions
None of these situations would be the fault of either person too, so communicating the feeling of not being wanted due to a lack of intimacy could improve your current situation. If you find it difficult to bring these issues up you could go to a marriage counsellor and work through your problems together.
By cheating, you are eventually going to get caught and you are going to break the heart of someone you love. If your situation is bad then tell your partner and end the relationship. Or you can help your partner improve their sex drive by reducing their stress, eating healthier, hiring a personal trainer to help you lose weight and have more energy and making sure you are both getting enough sleep.
A low sex drive doesn’t have to ruin a relationship, if both partners are willing to work on the relationship it can be saved.
Excuses for cheating reason #2 – They aren’t the same person I married.
People change over time, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. If you don’t grow together as a couple then a relationship can be in trouble.
When you first start dating, people only want to show the best side of them but over time peoples flaws can become apparent. If you haven’t cheated but you are on the edge of doing so, it’s once again advised to talk to your partner.
Some people choose to cheat because a person’s looks have faded, where others cheat because the same effort isn’t there before and maybe the romance has died.
Having a discussion where you have to tell someone you have lost attraction to them because of their looks fading is no doubt going to hurt them but then again so is cheating. If a partner has put on weight or doesn’t make an effort dressing nice anymore then you could work on that but if you choose to cheat that could be the death sentence for your relationship.
Excuses for cheating reason #3 – My partner doesn’t spend time with me anymore.
This is usually the excuse used by women when their partner is “working all the time.” However, it can be used when male partners go out binge drinking with their friends too.
In the first instance, it can be a tough pill to swallow for the man in that relationship as they are often confused as to why their other half would cheat because they are working hard to provide for their family.
If you feel your partner is working too much then talk to them about this as men are quite oblivious to this problem and often don’t know it exists.
In the second situation where your partner is binge drinking if a simple talk doesn’t stop them from binge drinking then it may be worth talking to an addiction specialist, we see many couples suffering from the effects of alcohol and drug addiction so seeking professional help is advisable.
As private investigators in London we have seen many couples suffer from addiction problems and if you are in the London Area here are a few addiction clinics you could go to:
Excuses for cheating reason #4 – They give me more attention.
This is an excuse used by both men and women and it often occurs with work-based cheating. If you aren’t getting attention at home and someone at work who you spend long hours with is starting to flirt with you and make you feel good then it can lead to an affair taking place.
Getting attention from someone new may give you that new relationship feeling and can make you feel excited again. However, it’s up to you as a couple to work on your relationship to put the fun into it and keep each other interested.
Excuses for cheating reason #5 – I was drunk.
Being drunk is one of the most common excuses for cheating and we hear it all the time. Being drunk in our opinion doesn’t cause people to cheat it just gives them an excuse for doing so.
Being drunk also doesn’t hold much weight in people who continually cheat while drunk as one time may be an accident but repeat offences aren’t.
Excuses for cheating reason #6 – You cheated before.
If someone in a relationship has cheated many couples can then use this as an excuse for cheating on the other person. If you do cheat and your partner forgives you there is a very real chance of this happening to you.
If you are in a relationship where you are seeking revenge on each other it doesn’t look good for your relationship. If you have cheated and the person has forgiven you they don’t then have a free pass to cheat on you. The opposite is also true, if someone has cheated on you and you forgive them you don’t then get a free pass to cheat.
Either forgive and move on or end the relationship. Revenge cheating is never going to work.
Excuses for cheating reason #7 – Everyone does it.
We’ve heard this excuse for cheating a lot over the years and it still baffles us to this day. Not everyone cheats, if the people around you do then you are dating the wrong people.
Excuses for cheating reason #8 – It didn’t mean anything.
This is another common excuse we have heard from cheating partners and logically it doesn’t make sense. Maybe it didn’t mean anything and it was “just sex” as some have said to us but you have ruined a relationship with someone you have loved and possibly destroyed your family too, so using the excuse of it didn’t mean anything can be a kick in the face to the partner that has been cheated on.
Cheating husband excuses
Husbands who cheat often use a mixture of not getting enough attention, getting attention at work, their partners have lower sex drives, they were drunk or it didn’t mean anything.
Cheating husbands may also use the other excuses above but in our experience, those are the main reasons they give for cheating.
Cheating wife excuses
Cheating wives often make the excuses of they weren’t getting enough attention, their partner doesn’t spend enough time with them, their partner has changed and it just happened (often at work).
Wives who cheat may use other excuses too but these are the ones that we have found to be the most common.
Excuses to get out of the house to cheat
With that said you may be able to catch a cheater yourself as they will use some of the most common excuses to get out of the house to cheat which can be seen below.
Staying late at work to get out of the house to cheat.
One of the most common excuses to get out of the house to cheat is by staying late at work. Of course, many of us have to do that on occasion but if this is new to your relationship and your partner has no additional job responsibilities then this could be a red flag.
In our experience, men will use this excuse more than women.
Using business trips as an excuse to get out of the house to cheat.
A business trip is an easy way to get out of the house to cheat as often they are scheduled far away from the home and it’s very difficult for someone to check if a person is actually where they say they are.
Some smart cheaters may take their new lover on a vacation elsewhere and order a souvenir online from the place they were supposed to be at to give to their partners.
A private investigator can conduct surveillance and catch a cheating partner on a business trip so if you think this is happening to you feel free to get in touch with us.
Using the gym as an excuse to get out of the house to cheat.
The gym is also a common excuse used to get people out of the house to cheat. If your partner has suddenly started going to the gym it may be the case that they want to improve their health and fitness which should be encouraged but if after a few months no improvements are being made it could be the case that your partner is cheating.
Above we have covered the most common excuses for cheating along with some of the ways a cheating partner may get out of the house to cheat. We have also looked at excuses husbands and wives use when cheating and have suggested some ways of improving your relationship instead of cheating.
If you suspect your partner is cheating get in touch with one of our highly skilled private detectives and we can give you peace of mind either way.